Tonight: This Wasted Land

Last Week: Feet (Don't) Fail Me Now!

"See you every day..." (6x)
You’re my baby, got my eyes on you."

"You have a nice cock!"
she said,
seeing it for the first time.
I’d never thought of my cock
as nice.
I knew it worked
and was grateful
but how it stacked up -
whether it was
nice or not -
never occured to me.
We met in earnest
my cock and I
when I was twelve.
1974
Searching though my parent’s closet
because I needed money
and knew my mother always kept some
in one of her purses 
on what used to be
my father’s side of the bed.
He was moving out,
leaving the king-size
to her;
she migrated west
across the bed
to my father’s side.
We all came across
to my father’s side
whether we wanted
to or not.
Mario -
genius with his hands -
could repair anything - 
I mean ANYTHING -
you gave him,
being a true artist
of all things mechanical.
And the back of 
those same hands -
able to
fabricate extinct parts 
from raw steel and patience -
would be across your face
in a flash
to keep you quiet,
correct your mistakes
remind you who was boss -
give you a taste of "what for"
(whatever the fuck THAT was).
They'd been married 
seventeen years,
had five children
in five years
and it was over
and I was twelve
searching for coins 
or maybe a dollar bill
in my mother’s blue wallet,
the picture of me
with my brothers and sisters
from Easter ‘68
accusing me
as I robbed mom.
But I didn’ think of it as stealing...
this was money 
she meant to give me
but never got around to.
Money to supplement
my allowance -
five dollars a week -
for:
washing the dishes
taking out the garbage
mowing the lawn
weeding the garden
shoveling snow
going to the store
to Queeny’s
(South Shore Self-Serve to you,
Queeny’s to me, 
Queeny being the large man
behind the counter asking
“Are you SURE this is for your mother?)
for cigarettes
sandwiches
hair-spray
soda
for fruit
vegetables
steak
chicken
for ham
bacon
cheese
eggs
for milk
(ALWAYS for milk
which I didn’t drink
except with chocolate in
because it was grass-juice
fermented in
the stomach of a cow -
deeply unappealling to me
except with chocolate in)
for batteries
cough syrup
cold capsules
Q-Tips
for Skippy's
Hellman’s
Kleenex
Scott’s
for Hawaiian Punch
Tropicana
Michelob
Coke
For Domino's
Vienna Fingers
Malomars
Ritz
for Butterfinger
Ring Dings
Funny Bones
for yourself -
you always got something
for yourself:
a reward for trudging one block down
one block over
stepping though the one door
no cart for me
I lug everything
to the counter
say to Queeny
“Put it on the tab."
but lately the tab
had run dry
and I was looking for money
staring at myself
Easter ‘68
my brothers and sisters
and I 
arranged in order of height
as usual
did they also come in here?
did they all have their hands
creeping through the drawer
in the dark
furtively checking
over their left shoulder
toward the door
ears attuned
for the slightest sound
of approach
ready to bolt
into the bathroom
at the rear of the bedroom
with the ready excuse
“Somebody was in already in there."
when you were asked:
“What are you doing in here?
There’s another bathroom.
Why are you in mine?
it was easy enough to lie
I was already stealing
and now I had progressed
from empty drawer
to the closet
not sure why
I thought there’d be money
in the bottom of the closet
or what the hell I thought I’d find
but it was Playboy
1973
tumbled blonde naked women
brunettes with huge tits
cream
and candy
beautiful women
with no clothes on
fuck me
Something better than money
I shoved it up under my shirt
the cover cool on my skin
and marveled at the wonders inside
here they finally were
all my sister’s friends
the girls in my school
the ones my eyes
stripped
not sure why
it should appeal to me
as it did,
their flesh
and not sure
what it would look like
naked
not sure what naked was
unless it was me
and that doesn’t count
I don’t look at myself naked
even if I can
but here they were
sprawled on a velvet landscape
so those are tits?
and that’s an ass?
and - oh my
pussy
Pussy Galore
says to James
“Am I too much for you?
James knows
there’s no such thing
too much pussy
I’m lying on top 
of the Impala
station wagon
at the Johnny All-Weather Drive-In
and Goldfinger 
is laying out his plan
to knock over Fort Knox
Silly fat man
fucking Kraut...
up against Bond
and his tricked-out
Aston Martin
machine guns
tire shredders
bullet screen
oil slick
smoke screen
revolving plate
battering rams
ejection seat
and soon Pussy
is tumbling with James
in the hay
and I tingle
at the sight of her
and no one tells me why
I sneak glances at
Rosemary Longo
and imagine her
all day and night
snapping off her stockings
lifting her plaid skirt
pulling down white panties
smiling at me
over curled lip
blonde hair 
falling down
I can feel it
on my cock
her blonde hair
and I smuggle her downstairs
with the other dopplegangers
all naked
ink on paper
into the basement
the room with the oil furnace
the mat on the floor
warm
pants down
centerfold down
right hand
working
working
working
from somewhere:
bu-da bu-da da
da-da da-da da-da da-da da-da da-da
bu-da-bu-da da
da-da da-da da-da da-da da-da da-da
bu-da bu-da da
da-da da-da da-da da-da da-da da-da
bu-da bu-da da
da-da da-da da-da da-da da-da da-da
bu-da bu-da
“You need coolin’
baby I ain’t foolin
I’m gonna send ya
back to schoolin’.
Way down inside -
women you need love -
gonna give you my love
gonna give you my love."
Miss July
Miss July
is that your pussy
that I spy?
“James -
fuck me!"
“Well, 
when he comes, little children
when he comes
Death gonna straigten out
all you members 
when he comes."
Straightened out.
flat on back
spent
never thinking about my cock
whether it was nice or not
knowing it liked naked women
and being rubbed
and was now center
of my every waking thought
but it turns out
it’s nice cock, too.
On your own
it’d be a king
but it's too attached
to me -
coward - 
go off on your own
see how far you’ll get
nice or not.